From a neuroscience and NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) perspective, the words we use to describe our experiences significantly shape our brain's wiring and, ultimately, our reality. When we use absolute terms like "never" in the context of grief — for instance, telling ourselves we will "never" be happy again or that we will "never" get over the loss — we are unknowingly reinforcing negative neural pathways. This keeps our mind in a loop of pain, making it harder to heal or find moments of peace and happiness.
The brain is an incredible organ that adapts and changes based on what we repeatedly think, say, and do. When we use limiting language, we strengthen the pathways associated with those thoughts, making them more automatic and ingrained. For example, saying "never" creates a kind of mental block that prevents us from even considering the possibility of healing or happiness. Over time, this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The mind believes what it hears and processes most frequently, and if that message is one of hopelessness, then the emotional and psychological impact is profound.
I experienced this firsthand. After a significant loss, I kept telling myself that I would "never" be happy again and that I would "never" get over it. These thoughts played like a broken record in my mind, and for nearly five years, I found myself trapped in a cycle of pain and suffering. The word "never" was like a heavy weight, keeping me stuck in place, unable to move forward or see any light in my situation.
It wasn't until I learned about the power of my thoughts and words that I began to see a shift. I realized that every time I said "never," I was closing a door to healing and happiness. I decided to change my narrative. Instead of saying "I will never get over this," I started saying, "I am open to healing," or "I am learning to find peace." Gradually, my thoughts changed, my emotions followed, and my life transformed.
If you find yourself using the word "never" in your grief, consider how it might be holding you back. Try replacing it with phrases that allow for possibility and growth. Remember, our words are powerful tools for healing, and we have the ability to choose those that serve us best.
