My Feelings Are Valid- But Are They Really?

We’ve all heard the saying "My feelings are valid" thrown around in conversations about emotions. And while this phrase is comforting, let’s pause and challenge its accuracy.

Yes, our feelings are real—we experience them in our mind and body through chemical reactions triggered by our thoughts. But here’s the catch: not all feelings are valid because the term "valid" means based in truth.

Let's break it down:
• Thoughts trigger emotions. These emotions are chemical messengers that ignite physical sensations in our body, which we interpret as feelings. However, our Thoughts are often based on perception or mood, not reality.
• Emotions can trigger thoughts. The RAS, reticular activating system, is a part of the brain that filters our thoughts based on our perception, beliefs, emotions, and feelings. Have you ever noticed that when you are angry or in a bad mood, even pleasant things make you respond with more anger?
• Perception is influenced by past experiences, biases, beliefs, and even the state of our nervous system. When we perceive something inaccurately, it can trigger a cascade of emotions and feelings that feel very real—but are rooted in misunderstanding or false assumptions.

For Example:
• You see someone you care about glance at their phone during a conversation. Your mind thinks, “They are ignoring me because I am not important to them” This thought triggers sadness, anger, or rejection.
• While those feelings are real to you, they’re not necessarily valid because the thought, or perception, driving them isn’t necessarily true. Maybe the person just got a text about an emergency or checked the time because they have an appointment.

This doesn’t mean your emotions don’t matter. They’re signals, and signals deserve attention. But understanding that they’re created by your thoughts gives you the power to check their validity, and if necessary, change them.

From a neuroscience perspective, your brain’s limbic system (emotion center) reacts to perceived threats or stressors before your logical mind (prefrontal cortex) can process the situation fully. This is why we feel so strongly, even when our feelings are based on inaccurate assumptions or perception.

When we recognize this, we can stop identifying with every emotion we experience. This is called self awareness, or emotional self regulation.

Instead of saying, “My feelings are valid” try saying:
• “My feelings are real, but are they based in truth, my mood, or something that I believe to be true but isn't?”
• “What thoughts led to this feeling" and do those thoughts align with reality or my perception or mood?”

Challenging the source of your emotions is not about dismissing them—it’s about liberating yourself from unnecessary suffering.

Your feelings are clues, not conclusions.

The fact that you feel them is real, but but the reason may not be.

When you start to question your thoughts, emotions, and feelings you unlock the ability to shift your experiences and, ultimately, your reality.

What are your thoughts on this perspective?
Have you ever questioned the validity of your feelings and found clarity?