They say that TIME heals all wounds.
And that may be true for a scrape, a cut, or a broken bone if we clean it, bandage it, and give it the TIME it needs to heal.
We can literally sit back and wait for the healing to happen, but it doesn't just happen magically. There is a complex process that the body goes through to make the healing happen. Although it is a subconscious process that happens without thought, it is HARD WORK.
But grief... grief is not a wound. Grief is an emotional response to a loss or trauma... TIME does not heal grief. There is no process that the body can do to heal from trauma... This type of healing takes CONSCIOUS HARD WORK.
Grief is not a single emotion, it is a cluster of negative thoughts, emotions, and feelings that overwhelm us and take over our mood and our mindset... it changes how we think, and can create a negative life experience for us.
As TIME goes on, these thoughts, emotions, and feelings can influence our outlook on happiness, love, and life. For some, it becomes who they are, what the identify as, and what they expect from the future.
The type of HARD WORK that is necessary to heal from grief takes much more than TIME. We have to make a conscious choice to DO THE HARD WORK for ourselves. There are no chemicals that the brain releases into the body to change our thoughts, emotions, and feelings from those focused on the loss and the pain into happy ones.
I know this because my kids and I did the HARD WORK. We spent years learning to refocus our thoughts, to let go of the rumination, hopelessness, anger, bitterness, and most of all, let go of the past and expectations of the future that we painted in our imagination.
Many say that we all grieve differently, but I believe that we all experience the same thoughts, emotions, and feelings that come with grief, we just all process that grief differently and in our own TIME.
Some get lost in grief and need validation from others that they are right in doing so. Some hide from it and pretend to be okay for the sake of others. Some of us think that being STRONG is acting like we are okay while the negativity stores up inside us causing prolonged pain and suffering, sickness, and even depression and disease... And some of us choose to allow the grief to be present, to face it, to process it in a healthy way, and to heal it and let it go.
So no, TIME alone does not heal grief. Healing takes a CHOICE and a lot of HARD WORK.
DO THE WORK. Life is short. Life is a GIFT. WE ALL deserve to live a life filled with joy and happiness.
We can all miss our loved ones however we choose to. I chose to miss Larissa from a place of love, gratitude, and happiness... Not from a place of misery and suffering.
This photo is the image that I choose to remember in my mind... My happy place... Our 26 years together and the gifts she left me with.
I remember the love, the dash, and do so with gratitude.
