So I usually get my messages while in the shower, eyes closed, hot water running over my head... Today was no different. AND to top it off, as I got out of the shower and dried my face with the towel I noticed a spot of blood on the towel. I have a small cut on my nose that was bleeding. Message confirmed!
My thoughts on family.
When I was young, I remember my grandfather burning my hand with the hot spoon from his coffee. Every time he did it I cried and he laughed. Now, as a conscious adult, I can't imagine what my mother put up with as a child. How she was programmed to be the narcissist that she is today. This explains why my sister also became a narcissist. Me, I'm the black sheep. I chose my own path and did what I wanted to do and did not buy into their crap.
So I see all these posts around Facebook about family and blood being thicker than water. I call bullshit!
After my parents got divorced my sister and I became machines of hate. We became weapons that my mother used to get back at my dad for choosing himself. We were her revenge.
I ended up going to live with my dad and stepmom, and I learned love and acceptance. During that time, I would talk to my mom on the phone and the conversation was always her making me feel like I did something to her by choosing to live with my father. She would hang up on me saying I made her cry. My sister stayed with her and just absorbed it all.
Those phone calls continued through college and well into my adult life. The conversations ALWAYS revolved on what I was doing to create her sadness. She would bring up the past, she would cry, and she would hang up on me. My mother...
I met the mother of my children in college. We were together for 26 years before she ended her life. My mom and my sister never accepted her. She wasn't good enough. So we became more distant. The day she passed, my stepmom came from Florida to help me with the kids. My mom and sister showed up as well and they actually cared about their own feelings more than they cared about my situation. They got mad at me because my stepmom got there first. My sister told me that she died because I am an asshole. That was the last straw. I chose me.
I had the police officer that was at my apartment forcibly remove them. But blood is thicker than water. So I continued to allow them to be a part of my and my children's lives. The calls always ended the same way. The past came up, she cried, blamed me for her sadness, and hung up on me.
Fast forward a few years. I had my awakening, I shed my skin, I let go of everything. I decided it was time to let go of them too. My blood, my family. BUT I realized something that we are not told as children. I AM NOT MY BLOOD! I AM NOT MY BODY! Yes, those things were given to me by my parents, but they are NOT WHO I AM.
I AM A SOUL. My body is just my vehicle here. I have NO responsibility to anyone in this world but myself, my soul, my own happiness, my own journey towards love and light. And on my journey I have discovered something that I now LIVE BY:
I get to CHOOSE my family. I do NOT have an obligation to anyone on this planet but myself. I reject what society has assigned to me or defined me as. So I let them go. For good. They are not my family, they are my physical relatives, nothing more.
I get to choose my family because my family also chooses me. YOU ARE ALL MY FAMILY! MY SOUL FAMILY. People that I have made a connection with in my life are my family. Those dear friends that love me for me and accept me as I am, regardless of what I have said or done. They love me unconditionally and I them. I can say or do anything without worrying if I will be judged.
For those of you that have normal loving relationships with your "family" I am happy for you. That is how it should be. But for some of us, it is not so. So let them go. Do not put up with abuse for the few conveniences they provide. Do not allow them to suck the love and light from your soul. Choose YOU!
So again I ask, IS BLOOD THICKER THAN WATER? I'm afraid it is not.