Healing From Trauma, the Six Basic Steps

Healing is a very personal, individual, and INTENTIONAL journey away from what hurts us.

We all must face this journey if we desire to be free from the pain of the past or any suffering we are experiencing in the present.

Although there is not one simple solution to healing, there are certain steps that we can follow to help us make the transition easier.

There are 3 stages of trauma.

  1. Suffering.
  2. Healing.
  3. Healed.

Everything else is just an emotional state we experience during these stages.

In this post I will discuss and explain the steps that it took for me and my children to make the shifts from the suffering stage to the healed stage.

Setting an intention is the practice of consciously choosing what specific goal we wish to achieve or what feeling we want to cultivate in our lives. It's about directing our mind, our thoughts, our beliefs, and our energy towards a desired outcome.

This is probably the most important step in the healing journey. It is how we tell our minds that want to make the shift. It is a literal command that we give our subconscious mind for all future thoughts to be based on.


    Shifting focus from a painful past to a desired future is crucial in healing for a few key reasons:

  • Empowerment: Dwelling on the past can make you feel like a victim of circumstance. Focusing on the future empowers you. It allows you to take control and become the architect of your own life.
  • Forward Momentum: The past is unchangeable. By focusing on the future, you invest your energy into creating positive change and moving forward. This momentum can be incredibly healing.
  • Hope and Optimism: Focusing on a future you desire fosters hope and optimism. These positive emotions can be a powerful antidote to the negativity that often comes with ruminating in the past.

This doesn't mean ignoring the past. It will always be a part of our history. Processing the feelings we have is a necessary part of healing. However, there's a difference between processing and ruminating.

By shifting your focus to the future you, you're not erasing the past, you're simply choosing to invest your energy into creating some thing better.

Step 3: Creating the VISION of the YOU you Wish to Become

    Creating a vision of your future self is a powerful tool that can significantly aid your healing journey in several ways:

  • Provides Direction and Hope: When you're hurting, it's easy to feel lost and hopeless. A vision of your future self acts like a lighthouse, guiding you towards a brighter path. It reminds you that healing is possible and gives you something positive to strive for.
  • Motivation and Inspiration: Envisioning yourself healed and thriving can be incredibly motivating. It sparks a desire to take action and make the changes necessary to reach that future state.
  • Increased Self-Compassion: The healing process often involves self-criticism. But when you visualize yourself healed, you cultivate a sense of compassion for your current struggles. You see yourself as someone worthy of healing and happiness.
  • A Focus on Growth: Creating a vision isn't just about the destination, it's about the journey. As you define your future self, you'll identify the qualities and skills you need to develop to get there. This focus on growth shifts your perspective from what's broken to what can be built.
  • Stress and Fear Reduction: Uncertainty about the future can be a major source of stress and fear. Having a clear vision reduces that stress by giving you a sense of control and direction. It also allows us to face fears of the unknown because we already created the future we would normally be uncertain about.

Here's an analogy: Imagine you're lost in a forest after a storm. Creating a vision of your future self is like finding a map. It shows you where you want to be and the potential path to get there. While the journey might be challenging, the map gives you hope and a reason to keep moving forward.

    Here are some tips for creating your vision of the future self:

  • Be Specific: The more detailed your vision, the more powerful it will be. Don't just imagine being "happy," envision what happiness looks and feels like in your life.
  • Focus on Emotions: How do you want to feel in your future self? Peace, joy, confidence? Tap into those emotions as you create your vision.
  • Visualize: Use visualization techniques to see and experience your future self in detail.
  • Write it Down: Putting your vision on paper can make it more tangible and impactful.
  • Review Regularly: Revisit your vision regularly to stay motivated and make adjustments as needed.

Remember, your vision is a living being, not a rigid plan. It can evolve and change as you heal and grow. The key is to use it as a source of strength and inspiration on your healing journey.

Step 4: Letting Go.
Letting go is absolutely crucial in healing because it frees up the emotional space you need to create the future you desire.

    Here's how:

  • Releases Negative Energy: Holding onto negativity associated with the past, like anger, resentment, or regret, is like carrying a heavy weight. Letting go allows you to release that weight and move forward with lighter, more positive energy.
  • Creates Space for Growth: When you cling to the past, there's no room for new experiences and positive emotions. Letting go creates space for personal growth, new memories, new experiences, and the joy that comes with achieving your goals.
  • Empowers You: Letting go is an act of self-compassion and empowerment. You acknowledge that you can't control the past, but you choose to control your present and future. This shift in focus empowers you to create the life you desire.
  • Reduces Stress: Dwelling on the past is a major source of stress, depression, physical pain, fatigue, and illness. Letting go allows you to eliminate those effects and focus on things within your control.

Letting go doesn't mean forgetting the past or pretending it didn't happen. It means acknowledging what happened, processing the emotions associated with it, and then choosing to move forward.

    Here's the key distinction between letting go of unhealthy attachments and honoring the past:

  • Letting Go: This involves releasing negativity, resentment, and anything else that hinders your healing. It's about letting go of the baggage that weighs you down.
  • Honoring the Past: This involves acknowledging the lessons learned from past experiences, the positive memories you cherish, and the people who played a role in your life.

Letting go in the context of healing is about creating space for the future you desire. It's about saying goodbye to what no longer serves you and making room for the love, joy, and success you deserve.

Now, letting go of everything that isn't part of your future vision might feel extreme. It's more about letting go of the negative attachments to people, places, and things.

    Here are some ways to approach this:

  • People: If someone's presence in your life hinders your healing or contradicts your future vision, consider setting boundaries or cutting contact.
  • Places: If a place evokes negative memories or hinders your progress, avoid it or find ways to create new, positive associations. You can not heal in the environemnt that hurt you in the first place.
  • Things: Hold onto objects that bring positive memories, but consider letting go of anything that triggers negativity or no longer serves a purpose.

Letting go is a part of the journey, not a destination. There will be times when you find yourself clinging to the past, to your attachments, out of fear of losing, be patient with yourself, and remember, every time you choose to let go, you're taking a step towards the future you desire.

Step 5: Finding a Guide For Your Journey.
Although healing is a solitary journey that we sometimes have to undertake alone, the need for a guide is a necessary part of making the initial shift. Breaking free from the limiting beliefs and self sabotaging habits that we create as coping mechanisms from trauma needs the assistance of an outside influence to help lift the veil, to show us another way, from experience.

Many get stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts, emotions, and feelings. They wonder why they can't seem to move forward, despite their best efforts. They just don’t know where to begin and find themselves re-experiencing the same struggles time after time. Some seek therapy, and while it may help some, many are diagnosed and medicated creating a new cycle of repetition and find that this approach is not working for them as they expected it would.

A guide is a fellow traveler who has overcome similar challenges and emerged stronger on the other side. Someone that will not tell you what to think or feel, but to guide you in shifting your perception, thoughts, beliefs, and mindset for lasting change, assisting you in creating that new version of yourself that you desire to become.

    Here's why an outside perspective from a healed individual can be so powerful:

  1. We've already broken free of limiting beliefs: Emotional pain and fear can create negative thought patterns that keep us trapped. Having already walked this path, a guide can help you identify these limiting beliefs and teach you to replace them with empowering ones.
  2. We know your blind spots: Sometimes we get stuck in our own stories, repeating the same behaviors that perpetuate negativity. A guide’s experience allows us to gently guide you towards seeing your situation from a new perspective. One that you would not have imagined possible based on the lens that you are looking through in the moment. In turn you will be more aware of the choices you have been making and how to change the direction you have been going.
  3. We offer tools and strategies: Through our own healing journey, we’ve discovered powerful mindset practices that can help you reframe your thoughts, manage emotions, and build resilience.

    Here's what you can achieve with the proper guidance:

  1. Empowering GROWTH Mindset: We'll work on cultivating a mindset that fosters growth and allows you to navigate challenges with strength and determination.
  2. Emotional Awareness: You will be able to explore techniques to understand and process your emotions in healthy ways, reducing their hold on you by understanding why you feel what you feel. You will learn to self-regulate your fears and emotional responses by being aware of the thoughts that create them.
  3. Building Resilience: You will develop strategies to bounce back from setbacks and move forward with greater confidence using the lessons you learned from your mistakes instead of using them as reasons to belittle yourself.

Remember, again, healing isn't about erasing the past, it's about rewriting your story. By accepting the beliefs, tools and techniques, and experience of your guide as your shift your mindset you can create a future filled with peace, acceptance, and joy, successfully creating the new you.

Understanding the power of a results-driven approach to healing is very important. While setbacks are inevitable, focusing on your wins and the desired outcome can significantly accelerate your progress.

    Here's why:

  1. Fueling Motivation: When you celebrate your victories, no matter how small, it releases a surge of dopamine, your brain's reward chemical. This positive reinforcement fuels your motivation to keep moving towards your healing goals. This chemical process will override the “fight-or-flight” response that you have become used to when thinking about your trauma and the perceived future.
  2. Building Confidence: Focusing on wins reminds you of your capabilities. You see evidence that you're making progress, which builds confidence and self-belief in your ability to fully heal and move forward.
  3. Maintaining Momentum: Life throws curveballs, and setbacks are natural. However, dwelling on them can shift your energy and stall your progress. By focusing on your wins, you maintain a positive momentum that propels you forward despite the occasional stumble. It also teaches you to learn the lessons from the setbacks instead of punishing yourself for them.

    Here's how I can help you cultivate this results-driven mindset:

  1. Win Recognition: We'll work on actively identifying and celebrating your victories, big and small. This could be anything from a good night's sleep to successfully managing a difficult emotional response.
  2. Visualization Techniques: I can guide you in visualizing your desired outcome, keeping a clear image of your healed self in your mind. This visualization serves as a powerful motivator and keeps you focused on the future you desire to experience.
  3. Reframing Setbacks: We'll learn to view setbacks not as failures, but as valuable learning experiences. We'll analyze them to identify areas for improvement and use them as stepping stones on your healing path.

Remember, healing is a journey, not a linear path, and every difficult journey needs a guide who not only knows the terrain, but has traveled it with success. There will be bumps along the way, but by focusing on your wins and keeping your desired outcome in mind, you can navigate them with greater ease and reach your destination faster, more effectively, efficiently, and become more productive in everything that you do.

As your guide, I can help you clarify your values so you can set meaningful goals for yourself, create an action plan, and hold you accountable for your results.

A coach will help you determine what really matters to you in an honest way and make a strategic plan on how to move forward.

Let's work together to cultivate a mindset that celebrates progress, fosters resilience, and empowers you to achieve the healing you deserve!

© Copyright 2024 Jay Deutsch • Self Love & Mindset Coach
Website by HudsonValleyWebDesign
The information on this website and coaching service is provided as an informational resource only, and is not to be used or relied on for any diagnostic treatment purposes or considered professional medical advice. This information is not intended to be patient education, does not create any patient-therapist relationship, and should not be used as a substitute for professional diagnosis or treatment. I waive all claims which might arise from my use of this website and release any person or entity connected with this website of any liability.
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