𝐆𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬, 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐇𝐔𝐆𝐄 𝐧𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬.
Even most of the comments you see on the internet, the memes, and even posts and comments by "grief professionals" portray grief as "something we learn to live with."
But based on my personal experience and all of my experience as a coach is that grief, like every other feeling we have, is temporary. It lies to us. Much like depression, it changes the way we think and feel about everything.
The "rug" is pulled out from under us and all of our expectations of how life should have been are taken away in an instant. No one ever gets into a relationship planning for the ending of it. We all expect it to last "forever."
But the ugly truth about life is that NOTHING lasts forever and expectations ALWAYS lead to disappointment and heart break.
Grief causes changes in the 𝗥𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗮𝗿 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗦𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗺 of the brain. This is the part of our brain that filters and processes our thoughts based on what we "believe" to be true. We subconsciously believe that we will never recover from this so all of our future thoughts are through this filter or "lens."
But the facts speak for themselves. 93% of people heal from grief. The other 7% suffer from Complicated Grief or Prolonged Grief Disorder which are forms of depression and mental illness that occur when the grieving choose to identify with their grief and allow it to consume their sense of self. They call it "my grief" like my hand or my leg... It becomes who they believe they are now and accept it as a "new normal."
My children and I are of the 93% who chose to heal. I chose to ignore the lies that the grief was telling me and I chose to focus on the love we shared from a place of love and gratitude instead of choosing to focus in the loss and how it destroyed my expectations of how life "should have" been for us. I accepted that this is my life and I owe it to myself to make what's left the best life I can.
We all have the ability to mold our own lives based on our desires, hopes, and dreams by setting intentions and taking immediate action towards those desires. I accept what happened and let it go.
Now, I know that I am in control of my own happiness. It comes from inside me where all of my emotions come from.
Now, I know that I can love and be loved because I love myself and I am the source of all of the love I experience in life.
Now, I know that what I choose to focus on will mild all of my future thoughts and feelings so I choose to focus on the positive things in life and let go of what I can not control.
Now, I learned that tomorrow is not a guarantee so I have to CHOOSE TO make today the best day of my life and do the same every day until it's over.
Every day I lost during my 4.5 years of grief is time that I will never get back. What I can do however is to make today a good day by focusing on where I want to be instead of where I was or where I expected to be.
𝙄 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚, 𝙄𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙄 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙨𝙤 𝙄 𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙞𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙄 𝙘𝙖𝙣!
These are my kids - 7 years later... They love life too!
💖💫𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮 & 𝓛𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽💫💖