What would YOU do for your child?
Me? I would literally walk through 🔥fire🔥 for my kids. Without a second thought...
I am sure most parents would say the same thing, but unknowingly they emotionally abuse their children with their thoughts, words, and actions.
𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐃?
I was at the pool yesterday and a young boy was playing with his siblings in the water. He dunked his sister. His mother who was sitting in a lounge chair holding a newborn yelled at him to get out of the pool and asked him why he is an asshole.... that is "𝙀𝙈𝙊𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉𝘼𝙇 𝘼𝘽𝙐𝙎𝙀" Not only to the child she scolded, but also to the infant who absorbed this negative energy as well...
I was reading some comments in a widowed parent group and a mother admitted that she jokes with her children about selling them to gypsies for $1... that is "𝙀𝙈𝙊𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉𝘼𝙇 𝘼𝘽𝙐𝙎𝙀" it creates abandonment and rejection issues that will last forever.
I have witnessed a dad telling his young daughter that a monster will eat her if she doesn't listen to what he tells her... that is "𝙀𝙈𝙊𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉𝘼𝙇 𝘼𝘽𝙐𝙎𝙀" and creates fears and limiting beliefs and will make her submissive.
Many parents stay in unhealthy - unhappy marriages thinking that they are doing the best "for the kids," unknowingly preventing them from experiencing what the joys of marriage are all about. Preventing them from learning what true love is and how adults that love each other should behave and interact... that is "𝙀𝙈𝙊𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉𝘼𝙇 𝘼𝘽𝙐𝙎𝙀" A commonly accepted definition of marriage is: a formal union and social and legal contract between two individuals that unites their lives legally, economically, and emotionally. 𝗪𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗔𝗕𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘? 𝙒𝙃𝘼𝙏 𝘼𝘽𝙊𝙐𝙏 𝙃𝘼𝙋𝙋𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎𝙎?
Everyone wants to believe that he or she is a good parent, it is part of who we define ourselves as after we have children, it is what we strive to be.
But sometimes, despite your best intentions, you may end up hurting your child emotionally and affecting their emotional development and even severely damaging their self-esteem, self worth, and ability to find and maintain healthy relationships as an adult.
After all... we become what our parents train us to become...
We are all human, imperfect in many ways. We are programmed by our parents and caregivers as children and develop our parenting skills based on how we were treated and what we observed by them. It is all we know. It is who we are.
𝘽𝙐𝙏 𝙏𝙃𝘼𝙏 𝘿𝙊𝙀𝙎 𝙉𝙊𝙏 𝙈𝙀𝘼𝙉 𝙄𝙏 𝙄𝙎 𝙍𝙄𝙂𝙃𝙏 𝙊𝙍 𝙂𝙊𝙊𝘿 𝙁𝙊𝙍 𝙊𝙐𝙍 𝙊𝙒𝙉 𝘾𝙃𝙄𝙇𝘿𝙍𝙀𝙉...
Children often lack the perception to identify the abusive behaviors of their parents, after all we think our parents are doing the best they can for us right? WE would NEVER think that they were hurting us, even unintentionally.
It is usually not until adulthood that we are able to notice the damage that our parents did to our emotional development as children and by then it may be too late as the behaviors and beliefs are too hard to break free of. So we settle for less than we deserve.
Many times we use the excuse "My parents were this way and I turned out okay." As we repeat the toxic behavior or live the same unhealthy, unhappy lifestyle thinking it is "the norm."
The entire time they are justifying their abuse and causing long term damage to the "loves of their lives." Their children learn to feel shame, hopelessness, worthlessness, fear, anger, confusion, anxiety, have issues with trust, have issues with love, have issues with respect, challenges processing their feelings, and more...
Believe it or not but many children today develop most if not all of their limiting beliefs about themselves from the things they are told by their parents. Most of the time they are said jokingly.... as the parent is unaware that the brain can not distinguish the difference between a joke, an insult, or a put down when it is recorded by the neuron centers of the brain... Just the words are recorded, not the context or the intention...
I am not saying that I am the "perfect" parent. We ALL have our issues from our childhood. I was severely damaged by my mother. I have abandonment issues, rejection issues, fears, anger problems... But I know they are there and I am doing the work to repair and heal myself. Being aware of these traumas is the first step in repairing them.
I would not wish my childhood on anyone. I may look "happy" but I wasn't. My parents hated each other. My mom used me against my dad thinking that she was hurting him... It destroyed me. It's probably why I still don't talk to her. It drove my sister and I apart. It ruined me in may ways... I hated myself. But after I realized what was wrong with me I decided to fix it... AT ALL COSTS... I would NOT expose my children to the same generational trauma that made me what I was. I was NOT OKAY and it was NOT good enough for them. I want better for them! No matter how hard it is for me or what fears I have to face... I will not sit back in my comfort zone and allow the generational traumas repeat any longer. It ends here!